A Far Sun: Synopsis/Treatment, part 6
This upcoming segment where Adam and Jane are working to get out of the facility should probably be more uncertain and dangerous. Of course, if this were a movie (and it would also be true of the illustrated version) we could heighten the suspense and show more fear. This is really a major threshold crossing event. In story terms, the heroes are crossing from the "ordinary world" (their old familiar one) into the "special world"--the world of story. Soon they will realize what they must do, and choose to make the hero's journey.
I probably shouldn't be breaking down my story this way, since it does tend to take some of the anticipation out of it, but I did want you to know that I'm thinking of these things.
Click for part 5
We watch as the elevator crawls slowly upward, but then after a few moments it resumes its regular speed.
"What was that slowdown back there?" asks Jane.
"Dunno," replies Adam, "maybe it hit a spot in the shaft that's been knocked slightly out of alignment."
"Out of alignment?"
Adam sounds irritated: "I said I don't know. Could be anything." Adam presses a few keys on the control pad. "We'll have to get back down below to the computer to find out, I think."
"That's OK, guy," Jane says, sounding as though she's trying to pacify him.
Adam calms his voice, slightly. "Sorry. We should be nearing the top pretty soon." But just then the buzzer sounds again, and the elevator immediately slows and comes to a complete stop. Jane says nothing, just looks to Adam. Adam checks the elevator's controls. "Hmm. We're about a hundred-fifty meters below the surface."
"We stopped," says Jane.
"We stopped--yes. Something is blocking the shaft, or maybe a track is broken."
"We can get out, can't we?" There is a hint of panic in her voice.
"Let's hope so," says Adam, but when Jane turns large, owl's eyes on him, he smiles. "Don't worry. Every dozen or so meters is a landing, with ladders between. Every five landings is a door that leads to the main stairway. It may be a pain to climb out, but I don't think we're in any danger."
Jane seems to accept his explanation. "So, Dr. Lesky," (Lesky is Adam's last name) "how do we open the elevator door?"
"We don't. We open that hatch," he points to a trapdoor in the ceiling of the car, "and climb out on top."
Jane looks carefully at the trap door, some two meters over her head and about a meter square. "Ugh. How do we reach it?"
Click for moreAdam looks around the car, but no magic ladder has appeared to help them. "I'll boost you up, since you weigh less than I do. You open the door, I'll help you climb through, and then you help me up with the rope."
She nods, agreeing it's the same solution she would have proposed, and then positions herself under the trapdoor. She picks her foot up, expecting Adam to take hold.
He does, and braces himself against her weight. "Hang on. Hold onto me, and be careful. I don't want to lose my balance."
"No problem," she says, and once Adam has his fingers laced under her boot, she bounces a little hop and stands straight up, balanced on his interlocked hands. She can barely reach the trapdoor, but it's enough for her to open it.
It bangs open above them.
The air streaming through the open door is cool, but it gives no hint that there might be anything wrong. There should have been lights along the sides of the shaft--they were seeing these lights go by as they ascended, but above the elevator car is only darkness. It's impossible to see why the car might have stopped, except that without guide lights, it is essentially blind. It doesn't go if it can't see.
"Ready?" Adam asks, staggering a little below Jane's boot soles.
"Give me another boost up and I might be able to grab the sides of the trapdoor."
"Right. Let me know when you're ready."
Jane says, "OK," and Adam gives her a lift upward. It's enough for her to get a good hold on the open trapdoor frame, and then with his continued help she pulls herself up through the opening.
Adam calls after her when her feet disappear through the opening, "What do you see?"
She comes to stand over the opening, looking down. "It's pretty dark up here, guy. I can see lights below us, though."
"Do you see a platform?" he calls up.
She disappears for a few moments. Reappears. "No, but I do see a metal ladder. It's along the side of the shaft."
"I think there's another one that runs up the back."
"Do we need that one?" she asks, then disappears again.
"How should I know? That's the only one I know about. I don't know where that other ladder goes."
Jane reappears, again. "Where else could it go? It goes up and down."
He has no comment to her smart-ass remark. "OK. Now, lower a rope for me."
"That would be a good idea, except I don't have a rope."
"Geez," says Adam, "hang on." He retrieves a coil of rope from his pack, and with a fling, tosses it through the trapdoor. Jane has to move back to avoid getting hit, but she catches it.
In moments the rope is lowered through the open doorway.
"Did you tie off the other end?" he asks.
"I'm not stupid, you know," she says. "I already did that."
"OK." He ties the pack to the end of the rope. "Pull the pack up." This Jane does without comment. Once untied, she lowers the rope, again. The rifle follows after Adam has made sure it is unloaded, and then the rope lowers a third time. "All right," he says, "let's see if I can climb the rope." But, he can't. He's a physicist and a book researcher, and he isn't quite strong enough to hoist himself up to the open trapdoor. He struggles for some moments, but it's clear he can't get out.
"Hang on," says Jane, though, who has had an idea.
"What?"
"Let go of the rope a minute," she barks, and when he does, she pulls it up.
Adam is curious, "What are you doing?" But after about thirty seconds the rope reappears. Or rather, a loop reappears and comes down to about Adam's chest.
"Put your foot in the loop, and pull yourself up. You should be able to reach the top from there."
"Hah." But Adam does as she has instructed. "So I am." Moments later they are both standing in the dark on top the elevator car.
We follow them as Adam surveys the situation. He takes out a flashlight and shines it around the elevator shaft. Above them about fifty meters the shaft seems to be partially blocked. The ladder Jane found appears to go up about four or five meters to a platform, so after untying and stowing the rope, putting on the pack, and slinging the rifle on his back, Adam proceeds to climb up the ladder to the platform above. Jane waits below, cautiously. He tries not to think how far he would fall if he accidentally let go of the ladder.
We watch as light flicks off the shaft walls while Adam looks around the platform above.
Jane is impatient, though. "Well?" she calls from the roof of the elevator car.
Adam appears at the edge of the platform (there are no railings of any kind) and shines the light down on Jane. "Come on up," he says, "but be very careful on the ladder."
"What's up there?" she asks, but has started for the ladder anyway.
"Stairs," she hears, but indistinctly because Adam has turned away. "Lots and lots of stairs."
Continued in part 7
I probably shouldn't be breaking down my story this way, since it does tend to take some of the anticipation out of it, but I did want you to know that I'm thinking of these things.
Click for part 5
We watch as the elevator crawls slowly upward, but then after a few moments it resumes its regular speed.
"What was that slowdown back there?" asks Jane.
"Dunno," replies Adam, "maybe it hit a spot in the shaft that's been knocked slightly out of alignment."
"Out of alignment?"
Adam sounds irritated: "I said I don't know. Could be anything." Adam presses a few keys on the control pad. "We'll have to get back down below to the computer to find out, I think."
"That's OK, guy," Jane says, sounding as though she's trying to pacify him.
Adam calms his voice, slightly. "Sorry. We should be nearing the top pretty soon." But just then the buzzer sounds again, and the elevator immediately slows and comes to a complete stop. Jane says nothing, just looks to Adam. Adam checks the elevator's controls. "Hmm. We're about a hundred-fifty meters below the surface."
"We stopped," says Jane.
"We stopped--yes. Something is blocking the shaft, or maybe a track is broken."
"We can get out, can't we?" There is a hint of panic in her voice.
"Let's hope so," says Adam, but when Jane turns large, owl's eyes on him, he smiles. "Don't worry. Every dozen or so meters is a landing, with ladders between. Every five landings is a door that leads to the main stairway. It may be a pain to climb out, but I don't think we're in any danger."
Jane seems to accept his explanation. "So, Dr. Lesky," (Lesky is Adam's last name) "how do we open the elevator door?"
"We don't. We open that hatch," he points to a trapdoor in the ceiling of the car, "and climb out on top."
Jane looks carefully at the trap door, some two meters over her head and about a meter square. "Ugh. How do we reach it?"
Click for moreAdam looks around the car, but no magic ladder has appeared to help them. "I'll boost you up, since you weigh less than I do. You open the door, I'll help you climb through, and then you help me up with the rope."
She nods, agreeing it's the same solution she would have proposed, and then positions herself under the trapdoor. She picks her foot up, expecting Adam to take hold.
He does, and braces himself against her weight. "Hang on. Hold onto me, and be careful. I don't want to lose my balance."
"No problem," she says, and once Adam has his fingers laced under her boot, she bounces a little hop and stands straight up, balanced on his interlocked hands. She can barely reach the trapdoor, but it's enough for her to open it.
It bangs open above them.
The air streaming through the open door is cool, but it gives no hint that there might be anything wrong. There should have been lights along the sides of the shaft--they were seeing these lights go by as they ascended, but above the elevator car is only darkness. It's impossible to see why the car might have stopped, except that without guide lights, it is essentially blind. It doesn't go if it can't see.
"Ready?" Adam asks, staggering a little below Jane's boot soles.
"Give me another boost up and I might be able to grab the sides of the trapdoor."
"Right. Let me know when you're ready."
Jane says, "OK," and Adam gives her a lift upward. It's enough for her to get a good hold on the open trapdoor frame, and then with his continued help she pulls herself up through the opening.
Adam calls after her when her feet disappear through the opening, "What do you see?"
She comes to stand over the opening, looking down. "It's pretty dark up here, guy. I can see lights below us, though."
"Do you see a platform?" he calls up.
She disappears for a few moments. Reappears. "No, but I do see a metal ladder. It's along the side of the shaft."
"I think there's another one that runs up the back."
"Do we need that one?" she asks, then disappears again.
"How should I know? That's the only one I know about. I don't know where that other ladder goes."
Jane reappears, again. "Where else could it go? It goes up and down."
He has no comment to her smart-ass remark. "OK. Now, lower a rope for me."
"That would be a good idea, except I don't have a rope."
"Geez," says Adam, "hang on." He retrieves a coil of rope from his pack, and with a fling, tosses it through the trapdoor. Jane has to move back to avoid getting hit, but she catches it.
In moments the rope is lowered through the open doorway.
"Did you tie off the other end?" he asks.
"I'm not stupid, you know," she says. "I already did that."
"OK." He ties the pack to the end of the rope. "Pull the pack up." This Jane does without comment. Once untied, she lowers the rope, again. The rifle follows after Adam has made sure it is unloaded, and then the rope lowers a third time. "All right," he says, "let's see if I can climb the rope." But, he can't. He's a physicist and a book researcher, and he isn't quite strong enough to hoist himself up to the open trapdoor. He struggles for some moments, but it's clear he can't get out.
"Hang on," says Jane, though, who has had an idea.
"What?"
"Let go of the rope a minute," she barks, and when he does, she pulls it up.
Adam is curious, "What are you doing?" But after about thirty seconds the rope reappears. Or rather, a loop reappears and comes down to about Adam's chest.
"Put your foot in the loop, and pull yourself up. You should be able to reach the top from there."
"Hah." But Adam does as she has instructed. "So I am." Moments later they are both standing in the dark on top the elevator car.
We follow them as Adam surveys the situation. He takes out a flashlight and shines it around the elevator shaft. Above them about fifty meters the shaft seems to be partially blocked. The ladder Jane found appears to go up about four or five meters to a platform, so after untying and stowing the rope, putting on the pack, and slinging the rifle on his back, Adam proceeds to climb up the ladder to the platform above. Jane waits below, cautiously. He tries not to think how far he would fall if he accidentally let go of the ladder.
We watch as light flicks off the shaft walls while Adam looks around the platform above.
Jane is impatient, though. "Well?" she calls from the roof of the elevator car.
Adam appears at the edge of the platform (there are no railings of any kind) and shines the light down on Jane. "Come on up," he says, "but be very careful on the ladder."
"What's up there?" she asks, but has started for the ladder anyway.
"Stairs," she hears, but indistinctly because Adam has turned away. "Lots and lots of stairs."
Continued in part 7
Labels: A Far Sun
posted by Coogan at 1/07/2008 05:01:00 PM
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